第38部分(第3/8 頁)

：　pushing　her　away　with　some　contumelious　epithet　if　she　happened　to　approach　her；　sometimes　ordering　her　from　the　room；　and　always　treating　her　with　coldness　and　acrimony。　Other　eyes　besides　mine　watched　these　manifestations　of　character—watched　them　closely；　keenly；　shrewdly。　Yes；　the　future　bridegroom；　Mr。　Rochester　himself；　exercised　over　his　intended　a　ceaseless　surveillance；　and　it　was　from　this　sagacity—this　guardedness　of　his—this　perfect；　clear　consciousness　of　his　fair　one’s　defects—　this　obvious　absence　of　passion　in　his　sentiments　towards　her；　that　my　ever…torturing　pain　arose。

I　saw　he　was　going　to　marry　her；　for　family；　perhaps　political　reasons；　because　her　rank　and　connections　suited　him；　I　felt　he　had　not　given　her　his　love；　and　that　her　qualifications　were　ill　adapted　to　win　from　him　that　treasure。　This　was　the　point—this　was　where　the　nerve　was　touched　and　teased—this　was　where　the　fever　was　sustained　and　fed：　she　could　not　charm　him。

If　she　had　managed　the　victory　at　once；　and　he　had　yielded　and　sincerely　laid　his　heart　at　her　feet；　I　should　have　covered　my　face；　turned　to　the　wall；　and　（figuratively）　have　died　to　them。　If　Miss　Ingram　had　been　a　good　and　noble　woman；　endowed　with　force；　fervour；　kindness；　sense；　I　should　have　had　one　vital　struggle　with　two　tigers—jealousy　and　despair：　then；　my　heart　torn　out　and　devoured；　I　should　have　admired　her—acknowledged　her　excellence；　and　been　quiet　for　the　rest　of　my　days：　and　the　more　absolute　her