第84部分(第5/8 頁)

le；　but；　as　before；　controlled　his　passion　perfectly。　He　answered　emphatically　but　calmly—

“A　female　curate；　who　is　not　my　wife；　would　never　suit　me。　With　me；　then；　it　seems；　you　cannot　go：　but　if　you　are　sincere　in　your　offer；　I　will；　while　in　town；　speak　to　a　married　missionary；　whose　wife　needs　a　coadjutor。　Your　own　fortune　will　make　you　independent　of　the　Society’s　aid；　and　thus　you　may　still　be　spared　the　dishonour　of　breaking　your　promise　and　deserting　the　band　you　engaged　to　join。”

Now　I　never　had；　as　the　reader　knows；　either　given　any　formal　promise　or　entered　into　any　engagement；　and　this　language　was　all　much　too　hard　and　much　too　despotic　for　the　occasion。　I　replied—

“There　is　no　dishonour；　no　breach　of　promise；　no　desertion　in　the　case。　I　am　not　under　the　slightest　obligation　to　go　to　India；　especially　with　strangers。　With　you　I　would　have　ventured　much；　because　I　admire；　confide　in；　and；　as　a　sister；　I　love　you；　but　I　am　convinced　that；　go　when　and　with　whom　I　would；　I　should　not　live　long　in　that　climate。”

“Ah！　you　are　afraid　of　yourself；”　he　said；　curling　his　lip。

“I　am。　God　did　not　give　me　my　life　to　throw　away；　and　to　do　as　you　wish　me　would；　I　begin　to　think；　be　almost　equivalent　to　mitting　suicide。　Moreover；　before　I　definitively　resolve　on　quitting　England；　I　will　know　for　certain　whether　I　cannot　be　of　greater　use　by　remaining　in　it　than　by　leaving　it。”

“What　do　you　mean？”

“It　would　be　fruitless　to　attempt