第64部分(第4/8 頁)

e　that　I　had　already　a　wife　is　empty　mockery：　you　know　now　that　I　had　but　a　hideous　demon。　I　was　wrong　to　attempt　to　deceive　you；　but　I　feared　a　stubbornness　that　exists　in　your　character。　I　feared　early　instilled　prejudice：　I　wanted　to　have　you　safe　before　hazarding　confidences。　This　was　cowardly：　I　should　have　appealed　to　your　nobleness　and　magnanimity　at　first；　as　I　do　now—opened　to　you　plainly　my　life　of　agony—described　to　you　my　hunger　and　thirst　after　a　higher　and　worthier　existence—shown　to　you；　not　my　resolution　（that　word　is　weak）；　but　my　resistless　bent　to　love　faithfully　and　well；　where　I　am　faithfully　and　well　loved　in　return。　Then　I　should　have　asked　you　to　accept　my　pledge　of　fidelity　and　to　give　me　yours。　Jane—give　it　me　now。”

A　pause。

“Why　are　you　silent；　Jane？”

I　was　experiencing　an　ordeal：　a　hand　of　fiery　iron　grasped　my　vitals。　Terrible　moment：　full　of　struggle；　blackness；　burning！　Not　a　human　being　that　ever　lived　could　wish　to　be　loved　better　than　I　was　loved；　and　him　who　thus　loved　me　I　absolutely　worshipped：　and　I　must　renounce　love　and　idol。　One　drear　word　prised　my　intolerable　duty—“Depart！”

“Jane；　you　understand　what　I　want　of　you？　Just　this　promise—‘I　will　be　yours；　Mr。　Rochester。’”

“Mr。　Rochester；　I　will　not　be　yours。”

Another　long　silence。

“Jane！”　remenced　he；　with　a　gentleness　that　broke　me　down　with　grief；　and　turned　me　stone…cold　with　ominous　terror—for　this　still　voice　was　the　pant　of　a　lion　ris