第81部分(第3/8 頁)

se　and　notice　were　more　restraining　than　his　indifference。　I　could　no　longer　talk　or　laugh　freely　when　he　was　by；　because　a　tiresomely　importunate　instinct　reminded　me　that　vivacity　（at　least　in　me）　was　distasteful　to　him。　I　was　so　fully　aware　that　only　serious　moods　and　occupations　were　acceptable；　that　in　his　presence　every　effort　to　sustain　or　follow　any　other　became　vain：　I　fell　under　a　freezing　spell。　When　he　said　“go；”　I　went；　“e；”　I　came；　“do　this；”　I　did　it。　But　I　did　not　love　my　servitude：　I　wished；　many　a　time；　he　had　continued　to　neglect　me。

One　evening　when；　at　bedtime；　his　sisters　and　I　stood　round　him；　bidding　him　good…night；　he　kissed　each　of　them；　as　was　his　custom；　and；　as　；　he　gave　me　his　hand。　Diana；　who　chanced　to　be　in　a　frolicsome　humour　（She　was　not　painfully　controlled　by　his　will；　for　hers；　in　another　way；　was　as　strong）；　exclaimed—

“St。　John！　you　used　to　call　Jane　your　third　sister；　but　you　don’t　treat　her　as　such：　you　should　kiss　her　too。”

She　pushed　me　towards　him。　I　thought　Diana　very　provoking；　and　felt　unfortably　confused；　and　while　I　was　thus　thinking　and　feeling；　St。　John　bent　his　head；　his　Greek　face　was　brought　to　a　level　y　eyes　piercingly—he　kissed　me。　There　are　no　such　things　as　marble　kisses　or　ice　kisses；　or　I　should　say　my　ecclesiastical　cousin’s　salute　belonged　to　one　of　these　classes；　but　there　may　be　experiment　kisses；　and　his　was　an　experiment　kiss。　When　given；　he　viewed　me　to　learn　the　result；　it　was　not　striki