第81部分(第4/8 頁)

ng：　I　am　sure　I　did　not　blush；　perhaps　I　might　have　turned　a　little　pale；　for　I　felt　as　if　this　kiss　were　a　seal　affixed　to　my　fetters。　He　never　omitted　the　ceremony　afterwards；　and　the　gravity　and　quiescence　with　which　I　underwent　it；　seemed　to　invest　it　for　him　with　a　certain　charm。

As　for　me；　I　daily　wished　more　to　please　him；　but　to　do　so；　I　felt　daily　more　and　more　that　I　must　disown　half　my　nature；　stifle　half　my　faculties；　wrest　my　tastes　from　their　original　bent；　force　myself　to　the　adoption　of　pursuits　for　which　I　had　no　natural　vocation。　He　wanted　to　train　me　to　an　elevation　I　could　never　reach；　it　racked　me　hourly　to　aspire　to　the　standard　he　uplifted。　The　thing　was　as　impossible　as　to　mould　my　irregular　features　to　his　correct　and　classic　pattern；　to　give　to　my　changeable　green　eyes　the　sea…blue　tint　and　solemn　lustre　of　his　own。

Not　his　ascendancy　alone；　however；　held　me　in　thrall　at　present。　Of　late　it　had　been　easy　enough　for　me　to　look　sad：　a　cankering　evil　sat　at　my　heart　and　drained　my　happiness　at　its　source—the　evil　of　suspense。

Perhaps　you　think　I　had　forgotten　Mr。　Rochester；　reader；　amidst　these　changes　of　place　and　fortune。　Not　for　a　moment。　His　idea　was　still　with　me；　because　it　was　not　a　vapour　sunshine　could　disperse；　nor　a　sand…traced　effigy　storms　could　wash　away；　it　was　a　name　graven　on　a　tablet；　fated　to　last　as　long　as　the　marble　it　inscribed。　The　craving　to　know　what　had　bee　of　him　followed　me　everywhere；　when　I　was　at　Mort