第3部分(第5/8 頁)

case　window；　and　the　wind　howling　in　the　grove　behind　the　hall；　I　grew　by　degrees　cold　as　a　stone；　and　then　my　courage　sank。　My　habitual　mood　of　humiliation；　self…doubt；　forlorn　depression；　fell　damp　on　the　embers　of　my　decaying　ire。　All　said　I　was　wicked；　and　perhaps　I　might　be　so；　what　thought　had　I　been　but　just　conceiving　of　starving　myself　to　death？　That　certainly　was　a　crime：　and　was　I　fit　to　die？　Or　was　the　vault　under　the　chancel　of　Gateshead　Church　an　inviting　bourne？　In　such　vault　I　had　been　told　did　Mr。　Reed　lie　buried；　and　led　by　this　thought　to　recall　his　idea；　I　dwelt　on　it　with　gathering　dread。　I　could　not　remember　him；　but　I　knew　that　he　was　my　own　uncle—my　mother’s　brother—that　he　had　taken　me　when　a　parentless　infant　to　his　house；　and　that　in　his　last　moments　he　had　required　a　promise　of　Mrs。　Reed　that　she　would　rear　and　maintain　me　as　one　of　her　own　children。　Mrs。　Reed　probably　considered　she　had　kept　this　promise；　and　so　she　had；　I　dare　say；　as　well　as　her　nature　would　permit　her；　but　how　could　she　really　like　an　interloper　not　of　her　race；　and　unconnected　with　her；　after　her　husband’s　death；　by　any　tie？　It　must　have　been　most　irksome　to　find　herself　bound　by　a　hard…wrung　pledge　to　stand　in　the　stead　of　a　parent　to　a　strange　child　she　could　not　love；　and　to　see　an　uncongenial　alien　permanently　intruded　on　her　own　family　group。

A　singular　notion　dawned　upon　me。　I　doubted　not—never　doubted—　that　if　Mr。　Reed　had　been　alive　he　would　have　treated　me　kind