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第60部分(第3/8 頁)

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 it shivered in my heart; like a suffering child in a cold cradle; sickness and anguish had seized it; it could not seek Mr。 Rochester’s arms—it could not derive warmth from his breast。 Oh; never more could it turn to him; for faith was blighted—confidence destroyed! Mr。 Rochester was not to me what he had been; for he was not what I had thought him。 I would not ascribe vice to him; I would not say he had betrayed me; but the attribute of stainless truth was gone from his idea; and from his presence I must go: THAT I perceived well。 When—how—whither; I could not yet discern; but he himself; I doubted not; would hurry me from Thornfield。 Real affection; it seemed; he could not have for me; it had been only fitful passion: that was balked; he would want me no more。 I should fear even to cross his path now: my view must be hateful to him。 Oh; how blind had been my eyes! How weak my conduct!

My eyes were covered and closed: eddying darkness seemed to swim round me; and reflection came in as black and confused a flow。 Self…abandoned; relaxed; and effortless; I seemed to have laid me down in the dried…up bed of a great river; I heard a flood loosened in remote mountains; and felt the torrent e: to rise I had no will; to flee I had no strength。 I lay faint; longing to be dead。 One idea only still throbbed life…like within me—a remembrance of God: it begot an unuttered prayer: these words went wandering up and down in my rayless mind; as something that should be whispered; but

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